The Myth of Selflessness

3 thoughts on “The Myth of Selflessness”

  1. It’s not “How long am I going to HAVE TO do this?” It’s how long ARE you going to do this? One of my favorite quotes is from Maya Angelou, “When people tell you who they are, believe them.” Understanding that is usually fairly easy. Acting on it however is often difficult due to all the excuses we make that keep us from acting. Many years ago I met someone I liked who I thought liked me. First date pleasant. Second date, an hour late because he had bumped into someone and chatted. Third date, “can we re-schedule?” Hmmm. My response was that he clearly was not particularly interested in me and that we should just stop attempting to make something from nothing. No harm, no foul. His response was ANGER!!! How dare I tell him that he wasn’t interested. He wasn’t actually interested he admitted somewhere in the back and forth, while also saying he was being nice to me for pretending to be so. Hmmm. I don’t think that’s nice at all. And so he was angry at me for figuring out what was true. Oh well, sorry that pissed you off. Well, not really sorry….mostly just sorry I didn’t cancel things the moment he showed up an hour late for the second date.

    You are in control of your responses. You. It is precisely the place you have choices. Support yourself by making them through the filter of loving yourself. Be visible in your life. You matter.

    1. I’m so glad you were brought to me, Currie. It’s so good to hear your story of following your instincts. I’m learning to redefine what “kindness” is. Kindness doesn’t always feel good.

      I get to take up space in this world. I will give my love where it’s honored and appreciated.

      1. Two Love stories. The first, a witnessing. As I walk to work in the mornings I leave the lovely park area and enter the bustle of downtown. Regularly I see a couple walking hand in hand to the front doors of an office building. On the steps the man kisses the woman, they smile at each other, then the man walks back to his car and drives on to his work. THAT is intentional attention!

        The second, a beginning followed by a middle. Beginning: On a date with a marvelous woman I know, a marvelous man I know saw another woman in a red dress walk by and was blown away by feeling attracted to her. Done. Middle: Thirty one years later I see the marvelous man as we are waiting to go see a film and say hello, get a hug, and ask where his beautiful wife is. He responds that his beautiful AND INTELLIGENT wife has already gone inside. The feeling he had when he first saw her in that red dress is still clearly at the forefront, blended now with knowing her inner red dress-ness.

        Love. Demonstrated.

        And I’m glad you were brought to me as well Hannah!

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