My Boyfriend Doesn’t Give Me Butterflies

“U got it, u got it bad, when you’re on the phone… hang up and then you call right back…”

As I belted Usher while walking Emily on UTC’s campus, my mind drifted to the old pingpong table that my parents used to have. Like most things from childhood, I don’t know where we got it, but it was always there, sitting under the eaves of our pool house. We would pop in the Now That’s What I Call Music! 8 CD to the boom box and listen to Usher’s “U Got It Bad” on repeat while we battled it out in the never-ending pingpong tournament.

That “we” included James, of course. James and I were inseparable for the summers of my childhood. We played basketball; we rode bikes; we walked to the convenience store; we jumped off the roof into the pool.

What else could there possibly be in life?

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What I’ve Learned From Not Being Pretty

When I was about ten years old, I decided I was going to be a cheerleader for Halloween.

Sounds normal enough, ya?

Thing was, at 10 years old, I was a hard tomboy.

I wore the same baby blue soccer shirt and black Umbro elastic-waisted shorts to school everyday. I cut my hair into a chili bowl. I prided myself on my 1st place pedal tractor pull trophy. I was aggressively not feminine.

But for whatever reason, that October I snuck into my sister’s bedroom, stole her WMS cheerleading uniform, and put it on. I strode into our kitchen where my mom and sister were sitting and declared, “I’m a CHEERLEADER!” with my arms lifted in a V-for-victory pose.

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Be a Fool for Love

I had gotten to the house at 10:22 AM. It was now about 11:43 and I was lying on the floor, holding my dog Lucas in front of me. His eye was starting to twitch again, so I knew another seizure was coming on. This would be his fourth.

I held him through the spasms, whispering to him, “It’s okay, my big boy. It’s okay. You doin’ so good. You my sweet boy.”

As the last involuntary muscle flexing ended, I jumped up, ran outside to clear the back of my dad’s Chevy Blazer and yelled for my dad to come help lift my 90-lb lab. We had to go to the hospital.

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5 Ways to Troubleshoot Negative Emotions

About a month ago, I decided I’d had enough.

After the break-up, I fell into a pattern of crying through the workday, crawling into my bed at 4 pm, and staying there until I “went to bed.” I had fallen into a situational depression complete with reeling thoughts (“Why am I unlovable?”) and no energy. My lethargy resulted from what my sister calls “My Divorce Diet;” I was rarely putting nutrients into my body because food tasted like shredded paper.

I was stuck. And I couldn’t shake it.

At least, I couldn’t shake it alone. So, to find relief, I made an appointment with a hoo-woo-woo-woo doctor at the local Center for Integrative Medicine. The herbalist patiently listened to my emotional and spiritual woes and promptly let me know that I was stuck in the Earth element, which meant I was unable to let go and move to the other side of my grief. She suggested that my stomach lining was dysfunctional and that I was probably anemic. She prescribed me an herbal treatment to calm my thoughts and encourage healing in my stomach. She suggested that I aim for 50g of protein in my breakfast.

I was hesitant, but I walked out the door with a “Present & Centered” tincture in hand.

It couldn’t hurt.

About an hour after I got home from my witch doctor appointment, I got a phone call from my Western doctor letting me know the blood work I had done a few days prior was in.

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Stay the Sensation: 4 Ways to Keep Zen Through a Break-Up

Could you stay the sensation if you knew it was nourishing? That’s the question my yoga teacher posed in the class I attended yesterday while we were breathing into some “intense” toe stretches. I was uncomfortable as I eased back on my heels, pain threatening to sprint from my pinky toe to my lower calf. His question … Continue reading Stay the Sensation: 4 Ways to Keep Zen Through a Break-Up